The Petite Desi Mama

Mum of two boys and loving it! Yes You heard it right….

Being a mum of two boys I cannot recall the number of times I have been told to have a go at it again just so that I can have a girl, the“buhat pyaray bachay hain bas ik lerki aur hojae” comments and the worst of all to say to someone who actually has a house full of boys, “a daughter’s a daughter for all her life, but a son is only a son until he gets a wife”. This is only a small sample of the tactless verbal diarrhoea any mum of boys is privy to on occasional basis.

But, let me tell you a little secret, not all mums of boys feel they are missing out on something! Where I am not denying how awesome it might be to have both a boy and a girl and that girls, when older, express their emotions and feel for their parents like no one does, but even after knowing this some people don’t really feel sad longing for a daughter they don’t have. The same goes out for mums of an all girl gang, specially in a patriarchal society like Pakistan where, to this day, on the birth of a girl people still have that not-too-excited feeling somewhere deep down and if you have two girls back to back, then may God bless you as there is always the sure shot expectation from the entire family and basically strangers in general that you will definitely try for a third time as you know, a boy – a baita- is your ticket to a sukoon ka burhapa (I doubt that though) and the heir who will take the family name forward (matlab do nothing worthwhile to actually be remembered by the agli nasl but naam zaroor agay berhay lol).

Anyways, will probably write another blog post on the ‘all girl gang’ but for now, what I was saying is how content I am with being a mum of two boys, in fact it is freaking awesome. I would have been as content probably if I had two girls, or a boy and a girl, you guessed it right, basically for me 2 was the number and thankfully my husband and I were on the same page regarding this. You know how they say, you just feel content and complete after the nth birth and for me that ‘n’ was my 2^nd boy’s birth. I just felt that’s that, our family is complete (whatever this complete means). I often hear people say I have one of each and our family is complete, that, in my opinion, is a highly insensitive thing to say as in a way you are implying the other families with all boys and all girls are incomplete?? Whatever your definition of complete is just go by it but please keep those definitions to yourself as these vocal opinionated comments are what can be categorized as ‘social stress factors’. To be honest, there is no end to this, you have a boy, people will want you to have  girl,  you have a girl then you are not complete till you have a boy, and best of all is when you have a girl and a boy both, you will hear, “behen k liey behen buhat zaroori he” (a sister should always have a sister), meaning its an endless loop! The society in general is obsessed with what comes next, rather than letting you enjoy the moment. In fact, it wont be wrong if I say people out there are far more invested in the workings of other women’s reproductive system than is strictly necessary. Specially people from the generation before us (more so in Pakistan), they don’t get if you tell them I love being a mum and it is indeed the best feeling in the world BUT I want more…I want a life of my own, have a hobby, a career, go on holidays with my girl friends, my partner when kids are older etc. Am sure when your children leave the nest everyone must go through the worst of emotions and it will always leave a void but may be, just may be, if you have had not left everything for them, then there is a chance you can have something to fall back on. But I am not qualified enough to talk about this as only a person who has been at that stage can really tell how it all feels.

After parenting two kids of the same gender, I can safely say even if they’re the same sex, they’re definitely NOT the same. Both my boys are literally 180 degrees apart, what you can call Night and Day, North and South. And I just love their different personalities as I get to enjoy a sweet, patient, empathetic, emotionally mature and stoic older son who I can visualise having serious deep conversations with when he’s an adult and a fierce, extremely naughty, high octane, boisterous, creative younger one whom I can visualise, down the line, making our lives colourful and to be honest a bit stressful with all his candour and energy. But one thing they both have in common is the trait of giving lots of snuggles and kisses and hugs to their their mama just because!

I truly love my family dynamics, the relationship I have with my boys and the relationship they have with each other.  Yes I don’t have princess tiaras and tutus in my house and no unicorn themed parties (although I would like to have one but well I can throw myself a unicorn themed fortieth party in a few years time lol), but I still wouldn’t change what I have for the world. These boys, the men-to-be, will always and forever be my rocks and sticks, cars and fire truck-loving bachas. Even when they are older, distant, have their own families and, as the enlightened folks say, ‘seemingly unapproachable’ I am sure they’ll still bend down to give me a hug once in a while. And if they are anything like their father, who is literally one of the best sons I have seen and known, then I can’t ask for more.

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