A common sentence accompanying a divorce is ‘She should have compromised’. In our culture, the blame, the onus almost always lies on a woman’s ‘inability to compromise’.⠀
⠀
What is this ‘compromise’ these divorce seeking women are unable to achieve?⠀
⠀
- A woman who is abused verbally, emotionally or physically by her husband or in-laws & bears all with patience & fortitude- is this comprise?
- A woman who is financially controlled, her ability to acquire & use financial resources restricted by her husband or in laws, having to account for every penny she spends like an employee- is this compromise?
- A woman who is saint enough to put up with a cheating husband in the hope that one day he’ll realise her sacrifices & come back to her- is compromise?
- A woman who is prohibited to visit her ‘maika’ & is complacent about it because that’s what saintly homemaking women do.⠀
‘Jo lerkian maikay buhat jaati hain un k ghar nahin bantay’- is this compromise?⠀ - A woman who stays in a toxic marriage is a strong, exemplary woman than one who decides to get out of it & salvage her dignity- is this compromise?⠀
⠀
Marriage is a beautiful & the single most relationship which we actually pick & establish ourselves. It would be careless of me to suggest divorce as an anecdote to every unhappy marriage but the above examples of compromise are anything but. All I see is a victim-preparator relationship, a master & a servant whose obedience earns her a favour, a pat on the back.⠀
⠀
Compromise in a marriage, to me, is the presence of mutual respect, understanding- a commitment to hear each other out- Acceptance.⠀
⠀
Divorce doesn’t mean ‘happily ever after’ specially for women in our culture. Anyone who thinks women take this decision lightly only because they are ‘unable to compromise’ needs an awakening. It’s an end of a home, both parties suffer but women additionally carry the burden of being judged.⠀
⠀
So, the next time you hear of a divorce, don’t assume ‘the woman didn’t compromise’. Her divorce doesn’t make her a fair shot for anyone to comment on.⠀About time, we stop confusing victim silencing with compromise or bearing of abuse with fortitude as traits of an ‘achi aurat’, a good homemaker.
Let’s take back the beautiful institution of Marriage and restore it to how it was supposed to be. Let’s redefine compromise and make it about love, respect and happiness.
Let’s take back the beautiful institution of Marriage and restore it to how it was supposed to be. Let’s redefine compromise and make it about love, respect and happiness.
Please follow and like us:
